Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
