New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
