I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
