Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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