Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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