please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
