Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
