And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I have fence marks all over my body
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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