There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
