she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
