i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
