When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
