I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
