I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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