So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You may now shotgun with the bride
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
