i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
