I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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