I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
