Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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