Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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