I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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