does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
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