but the lizard people decide everything anyway
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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