Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
it's like iHOP with fire
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
