WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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