I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
