I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
