Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
