so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
