They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
