dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
