My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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