she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
