call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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