just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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