I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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