the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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