never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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