i think my mom watched the whole time
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
