weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
