her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
