Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
