eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
im six kinds of drunk right now
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
