god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
