I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Your cock deserves a montage
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I supernannyed him into submission
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
