I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
