Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
