What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
