Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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