Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry jimimac1986 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(304): View more from West Virginia

I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.

Fav 18 3116 925
share tweet
(404): View more from Georgia

What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?

Fav 22 9782 6605
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(417): View more from Missouri

oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler

Fav 36 812 5235
share tweet
(863): View more from Florida

I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy

Fav 10 3906 812
share tweet
(702): View more from Nevada

explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.

Fav 20 3813 6190
share tweet
(503): View more from Oregon

He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.

Fav 4 1481 2196
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(540): View more from Virginia

Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.

Fav 16 3685 947
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(858): View more from California

Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.

Fav 1 1009 485
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(858): View more from California

My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.

Fav 0 51 8
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT