Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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