My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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