my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
