i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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