it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He has the fingertips of a God
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
