she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
