god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
