soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
