So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
