I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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