i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
