I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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