At least make sure they are 18
Why
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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