It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
