What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
