3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Everclear isn't food dammit
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
