Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
