mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
