Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
