Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
