do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
