first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
