I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
