Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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