I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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