my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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