Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
