You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
