sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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