I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
