went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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