Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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