I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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